Conflict Management

When I find something in another person that bothers me, it means that this same thing also bothers me within myself. It shows that I am in conflict with that specific dark side of my own self. If I am not in conflict with that part inside me, then it does not bother me that the other person has it.

The key question I can ask myself in order to resolve the conflict is: “What exactly is it that bothers me in the other person, and how might this be related to me?” If we can approach the struggle from this perspective, conflicts begin to become interesting: they are a path toward self-awareness.

Often, one form of these conflicts is criticism toward others, but also toward ourselves. If we catch ourselves criticizing, then this means there is conflict. For example, when we see others beginning to live their authentic lives, we become upset if we have not lived our own. We can easily observe that people who are conscious and aware in their lives almost never criticize others.

Psychotherapy is an important tool that helps us integrate the marginalized parts of ourselves that fuel our conflicts with others. This knowledge also helps us, on a communication level, to convey the messages we want to send to others in the most beneficial way—both for ourselves and for our relationship with them.